Jeani Sancey

Jacksonville, United States

What is the one word that describes you? Stoic

The older I become the more impressed I am with anyone who has done anything with their lives other than survive.

Look into a young person's face and you see the incredulous, boastful, scathingly hopeful look of one that believes life cannot possibly be for them what it is for the pasty faced adults who tuck them in at night; the ones that scuffle for any crumb of information about how life at school is going; who cry into their pillows breathing a hot prayer for safety and strength to let go.

I've often felt betrayed because I didn't feel anyone got through to me in my formative years just what life is all about. How you have to scrap and scrap and scrap again. What it feels like to breastfeed a colicky infant at 3 a.m - the third time you're up since ten.

What it feels like when you realize you are neither the Dali Lama nor Superwoman only to look down at the eyes of a child who wouldn't believe you even if you tried to tell her.

How every person in your life as well as your true gifts will scream for authentication, for room to breath, for your life force -- but its 6:45 pm and if you have another cup of tea now you'll be up until 12:30 am and your plan to actually be efficient the next day will be ruined by lack of sleep and self pity.

What I didn't know as a child is that there are so many paralyzing forces in this life. Loss, lack, early death, sudden tragedy, betrayal, entanglements, being duped or worse self-deceived, the steady drumbeat of bills and bad news.

These things or the fear of them can leave us too bound up to even lip sync the song of life. Each launches into the ether its own siren call that 'this is a very good reasons for settling for less'; less accomplishments, less zest, less giving, lesser dreams, less of the you that you always wanted to be.

To be continued and to become less depressing!